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Poor Doctor Goose's PuttingKnack

(with apologies to Ben Franklin, Mother Goose, Doctor Seuss)

A putt in time saves the nine.

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Low side, pro side -- which way to go?
You can't go wrong with "high and slow."

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One-potato-two's
The tempo to use.

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"Eyes over ball" doesn't tell it all.
Gaze dead straight for your putts to fall.

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Pat-a-cake pat-a-cake, Baker's man
Bake me a roll as fast as you can.
Stroke it or jab it or pop it with a pan!
Just roll it in the hole and "You da man!"

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Yipper's Lament

Kneeknocker, kneeknocker -- o mi god --
This putt's slick as day old cod.
My putter's wiggling like a handful of snakes,
Watch me dance with the "whisky shakes."

A stabbing jerk might do the trick --
End this torment-- miss it quick.
Blank out? Black out? Float into the air?
This putt's going I know not where.

These hands of mine don't belong to me --
Ungrateful kids -- my enemies.
A golfer's lost without his touch --
A blinded Lear who can't do much.

Help me, guru -- if you're the man --
To shake these shakes if ever I can.
Teach me what I'm doing wrong
That used to work just like a song!

I'd rather quit than yip all day,
So here's a C-note, whaddaya say?
Like this, okay? ... not that? ... this way?
I'm suddenly cured! Yip! Yip! Hooray!

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Stroke it straight, no figure eight.

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Back dimple, front dimple, line thru the ball --
Sweetspot putting makes 'em fall.

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Hold still and show no fear --
Stroke it, listen, hear the cheer!

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One Manhattan, two Manhattan ...
Who you gonna call?
Swing it nice and lazy like --
Your putts are sure to fall.

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If you're the boss, dominate the moss.

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Tiger's nimble, Tiger's quick --
But he can't putt it worth a lick!

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Big ol' Bernie Rydercup faced a little breaking putt -- Fret, Bernie, sweat -- Wipe your weeping eyes. Shakin' to the east, Shakin' to the west -- Hit it with the shake that you love the best.

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Little Scottie Choke has lost his stroke
And can't tell where to find it.
Leave it alone and it'll come home,
Bringing its tail behind it.

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One, two, pardon me --
Once I had a putt for three.
Four, five, fiddlesticks --
I got it down on number six!

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Old King Arnie was a merry old soul And a merry old soul was he. He called for his coke And he called for his smoke And he called for his putters three. Every putter was a very fine blade, Three very fine blades had he. And he knocked his knees as tight as you please Old King Arnie and his putters three.

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Wild Bill Melhorn
Wore a cowboy hat.
He stuck it close,
But putted with a bat!

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Little Leo Diegel stuck his elbows out -- Left one, right one -- both I'm talkin' bout! When he putted people laughed And people called it "quare," But Little Leo Diegel ... he really didn't care.

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Billy Casper is the Master Who putts it better than you can! If he flips it with his hands, It's because he understands. If he pops it with his stick, It's because his mind's so quick. If he sinks 'em all with ease, Do as well ... if you please!

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	Jump Rope Bobby Mighty Bobby Locke Grew up in Transvaal Town, Putting over rocks -- Uphill downhill ... Peanut brittle for a thrill. Round the corner hooking tight, Down the hole and out of sight. Uptown downtown ... Round the corner down the block. Mighty Bobby Locke!
	Mighty Bobby Locke Rode in to London Town, Putting on the clock! Funny hat, knickers too, Strolled just like molasses do! Round the corner hooking tight, Down the hole and out of sight. One time, two times ... Won the Open every time! Mighty Bobby Locke! Mighty Bobby Locke Rode in to Boston Town, Putting on the clock! Ukelele on his back, Pabst Blue Ribbon in a sack. Beat the Hogans, beat the Sneads, Knocked 'em in from out the weeds. Uphill downhill ... Peanut brittle for a thrill. Mighty Bobby Locke!

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See-saw, Mark O'Mearier
Holed his putt
And now he's cheerier!

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Justin Leopard rolled it in
From off the edge of wherever he'd been.
Tommie and his buddies ten
Jumped and stomped and ran
All over Jose Maria's line,
Over and over again.
The Euro's squawked and yelled out "Foul!"
But that was curtains -- for the Brookline duel.

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Poor Petey Pinger couldn't putt a lick --
He went to see the doctor
And fessed up he was sick.
The doctor told him "Sonny, use a longer stick."
But Poor Petey Pinger thought it was a trick!
He knew the big boys on the green
Would laugh and call him "weenie" --
So he just stuck with what he knew
Inside his little beanie.

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Most say: Never up, never in.
Best say: Always strong, always wrong.

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Mind's too fast, you'll blow it past.
Never hurried, never worried.

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Just a Little Dab'll Do Ya

Loren Roberts has a tip worth gold --
On the backstroke, let the right wrist fold;
At the top, then set and hold --
In the thrustroke, keep it smooth but bold.

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Staying greedy's staying needy ...
Relax with just the facts.

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Addition:	1 + 1 = 2
Algebra:	x + y = n
Physics:	v = at
Putting:	n = at + 2

 

Swengali the Mental Guru

Alikazoo ... Alikazam!

Now your brain's as thoughtless as Spam!

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Brain Hemisphericity in Golf

Although golf -- it's often said --
Is all about the right-brained head,
And putting's just as easy as a song,
I simply can't agree.

I always use BOTH sides, you see --
First the right, and then the wrong.